After a few days (or more) of waking up to discontentment, I have decided to wake up tomorrow excited. We shall see how it goes. Wish me luck.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
For some reason, one of the hardest things to do is wake up contented. How is this? The day is just beginning. The rising sun is a metaphor for newness - everything starts again. But so many of my mornings are spent in full-on grump. What's the deal?
Sunday, February 23, 2014
This morning I have been honing my focus to my current situation. While there are things in my life that I am trying to overcome, that does not mean that I have to loathe those parts of my life. As a person (like everyone else), I want to do what I like and prefer not to do the things that I dislike. Life, however, deals is additional cards. The game does not always close in our favor. We win some, we lose some, and every now and again we tie - landing midway toward our goal.
But here is the struggle - we aren't losing when we have to do the things we dislike, those things are just part of life. Some of our dislikes can be removed from our lives, stepped away from, or abandoned. Others cannot. If we are in unhealthy relationships or if we dislike our jobs, we can get out. We cannot, however, stop taking out the trash - no matter how much we dislike it.
For me, in a time of transition, my work is to find contentment in the things that no longer serve me - for now, while they are still part of my life. I cannot allow myself to spend those moments wishing or comparing. Each moment is as it is - it cannot be something else. There is no other moment but this moment.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
I have been working hard to maintain my contentment practice in the past few days. I have to admit, it is easier with snow days :-).
I read a new definition of Santosha (contentment) today - performing duty with pure joy. What a challenge. I can see in my nature that I prefer to do what I enjoy over the duty that I have at hand. It is easier to want something new or something more exciting than the duties as they are laid out in front of me. The word duty suggests that we are obligated or expected to perform that action. Taking the trash out - or shoveling snow is a duty - joy in cleaning the toilet is something I have not felt.
This is my day's mission for tomorrow - performing my duties with complete joy. I am starting easy, as I have a half day at work. We will see how it goes.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
So everything has been going very well regarding my Santosha (contentment) practice. Everything was feeling light and easy. I have felt very present and am giving myself time for myself, which I have not done for a long time.
There was, however, one thing that I could not be content with - that I know I need to face regularly. This one thing happens to be a MAJOR part of my life. (Pardon my vagueness, I am trying to share without giving away too much). I have been telling myself for a long time that something needs to change regarding this part of my life, but I feel very stuck. So, I decided to do something about it. I decided to take on a 40 days of chanting. Like many spiritual practices, that you may see in the bible or other spiritual books, some if the deepest practices take a commitment. Chanting for a result is one of them.
So I chose a chant to Ganesh, which I am particularly fond of (Om Gum Ganapatayei Namaha). This chant is known as the most effective at removing obstacles of all kinds. Since I feel so held back by this particular part of my life, I would like to do my best to remove any obstacles and either accept it as it is or move on.
After one day of chanting, I feel a new purpose. I have already begun taking new steps to move on, and this rather heavy piece of my life has become more acceptable to deal with.
Om Gum Ganapatayei Namaha!
One more step toward Santosha.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
There is a saying that nothing exists but this moment. While this may be true, my mind thinks differently. I learned from my experience the other day at the fireplace that I no longer have to react negatively to this truth.
When I sat to meditate today, I decided to think of the situation as funny: every time my brain jumps to something in the future, I decide to take it lightly. I typically get upset when I watch my mind do this. I have decided to change my reaction to that of old friends who love eachother for their flaws. I am trying to be content with things that bring me discontent. I will try to disconnect myself from that feeling of frustration - so I feel the best thing I can do is the opposite, love my mind for what it is. I do feel like my mind is trying to do good, it just doesn't know how to stop and stay present.
Om gam Ganapatayei Namaha!
I was blessed today to have a day by myself - completely alone in quiet. It is the perfect day - there is snow falling outside and I am bundled up by the fire in my little house. I decided to give myself the joy of doing all of the stuff that I always want more time for. Some of those things include meditation, sitting in front of the fire, reading, and enjoying my own asana practice.
I decided to read more about contentment (as I am working with contentment in my life). I read about pain and pleasure and how we naturally hold onto our need for pleasure instead of just enjoying it. This need to grasp (and I am not sure if it comes from fear or our mind's natural aptitude for creating miserable self-fulfilling prophesies) makes it even harder for us to enjoy our lives.
I was so intrigued by this that I decided to test this idea. I sit down in front of the fire to meditate for a short time. I close my eyes and I automatically start to get restless. I start to think, "the fire is so beautiful, what if I miss it?" Instead of enjoying the fire with my eyes closed, feeling the warmth and listening to the soothing crackling sound, I start to grip onto the idea of the fire. For some reason I could not let myself enjoy it, perhaps because it will eventually be gone or I will be away from home soon. Regardless of the reason, I was so shocked that I could not stop gripping at the idea of enjoyment - I was gripping so much I could not even allow myself to enjoy it.
Then it happened. I started laughing. How absurd! I wanted nothing more to sit and enjoy - but I could not let go. My laughter slowly helped to release something - and I began to just listen to the crackling and absorb the warmth.
How often do we deny ourselves? How much of our lives are spent holding on for dear life? How much time do we waste by worrying and clinging?
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
So I have been giving Santosha a chance. Here was the task - note any instance of thinking g about the next thing or look for happiness outside of myself. I stopped writing them all down because there have been so many.
I am not going to make a laundry list, but I will say that there is some work to be done. Especially looking for happiness outside of myself - I do this chronically. I look for happiness in my job, I look for happiness from friends, my partner, and more.
I tried spending this evening looking at my life as it is and be grateful for it. I have been trying to enjoy, take in, and be a part of every moment. I need to do this more often!
Monday, February 10, 2014
Ok, I know. I have not written a blog post in forever - seriously, forever. For some time I have been kicking myself for not writing. The longer I put it off, the harder it became to start again.
- My new mission - trying to write every day.
- What will likely happen - trying to write once a week
I am just coming off of the most amazing weekend. This past weekend was my last 500 hour advanced teacher training weekend. I feel so blessed to have worked, studied, shared, and created with a small group of profoundly wonderful people. This inspiration has pushed me to bring a new fervor to my practice, including working more deeply with my blog. For those of you reading this from Facebook - I swear, I will not post every post, just the ones I REALLY like. :)
I shared with the group on Saturday that I have been struggling with a severely negative attitude lately. I may not have been showing it (I try to keep it to myself), but it has been influencing me very deeply. I feel that it has influenced both my work and home life and it is about time I do something about it.
So here is my remedy - Santosha (Contentment). Santosha is one of yoga's Niyamas (rules, observances, restrictions). For the next month I will try my best to live the Niyama of Contentment. So here we go.
I am arming myself with a few tools. My main tool is a book that I have fallen in love with recently - The Yamas& Niyamas by Deborah Adele. If you have not picked this one up - do it! she says that Contentment is falling in love with your life - exactly what I need.
In her book, Adele gives a month's plan for developing Santosha:
- Week 1: Journal when you find yourself getting ready for the next thing or look for contentment outside of yourself.
- Week 2: Notice how much energy you expend moving towards what you enjoy and avoiding what you dislike.
- Week 3: Take responsibility for emotional disturbances. Trace every annoyance back to yourself.
- Week 4: Practice gratitude and non seeking. Be content with each moment as it is.
This will be a challenge. I know that it takes 30 days of consistent work to create new habits/break old habits, so I am glad that she has created these tools the way she did. I will let you know how it goes.