Yes, I am okay

I would like to thank everybody for reading my blog. I know a few of you have mentioned to me that with the posts I've been sharing, it may seem that I am in a bad place. I want you to know, that I am fine. I'm delving really deep into the idea of contentment. While I do this, I am trying to share as openly and honestly as I can. Who knows? Maybe this isn't the right forum for it, but I'm not one to stop something once I've started.

Part of yoga is delving deeply into oneself. I know this often is not related in a yoga class, but is a deeper part of the practice if you're willing to try. That is merely what I am attempting to do. I'm trying to dive a little deeper into the ethical principles and observances of yoga. I am generally a very contented person, but everyone has bad days or times of transition. Your concern moves me and I appreciate it very much. 

Thank you again for thinking of me, and for reading my blog. See you soon.

Interesting day

As I continue on my journey with Santosa, every day brings something new. Some days are great, some days are not. Part of me wonders if my magnifying glass on contentment makes things that way. Yesterday I found myself completely wrapped up in the negative. I let the things around me that were bothering me completely take over. All in all, a bad day.

So this morning I went right back to my current favorite book, the Yamas and Niyamas. I find that on my journey with contentment, it has been such a great tool. When I find myself really struggling with the idea of contentment it has some wonderful words of wisdom. Today I flipped right to the Santosha chapter and found some advice.

One section of the book talks about emotional disturbances. Basically this section discusses how we should not let out emotional disturbances take over our lives. For example, what other people say, how other people offend us, or how other things or situations offend us.

I found myself yesterday being bothered by the silliest things. Anything from a past conversation to the noise in my own home. It's so funny, once we find ourselves taken over by one emotional disturbance, they all come to the forefront. 

What really stuck out to me from the book was a Japanese proverb the author shared. "The noise does not disturb you, you disturb the noise." The way I took this is, when we fight against what life gives us, when we battle with what is, we are the ones disturbing life. What an interesting idea.

This is not to say that there are things in life we should avoid. This is also not to say that there are bad things in life we should just accept. This is saying that our emotional disturbances themselves are the brains reaction to what is going on. Sometimes we need to listen to that, and make the correct changes. Other times, we need to evaluate what the brain is actually making us feel. We waste too much time being upset, we waste too much time being offended by our situation. Sometimes we just need to move forward.

Mornings have Broken

So, I have tried to focus my efforts in beginning my day on a positive note. I have to say that it has created a marked visible change. I feel much more positive during the day. 

Here were my big morning issues:

1. I was waking up every morning later than my original intent. I wanted to get up earlier and practice, but I just could not commit myself to it. This left me feeling guilty and frustrated. My solution: make time to practice later in the day. My day is already long, making it longer was making me tired and groggy. Now I wake up without guilt, without being upset.

2. I was prepping myself for a bad day. The stuff that makes me upset during the day does not need to take over my morning. My morning is valuable me time, why not keep it that way. 

The change in morning attitude has been wonderful - now onto tackling the rest of the day.

Waking up to Contentment

For some reason, one of the hardest things to do is wake up contented. How is this? The day is just beginning. The rising sun is a metaphor for newness - everything starts again. But so many of my mornings are spent in full-on grump. What's the deal?

After a few days (or more) of waking up to discontentment, I have decided to wake up tomorrow excited. We shall see how it goes. Wish me luck.

Today's Journey to Contentment

This morning I have been honing my focus to my current situation. While there are things in my life that I am trying to overcome, that does not mean that I have to loathe those parts of my life. As a person (like everyone else), I want to do what I like and prefer not to do the things that I dislike. Life, however, deals is additional cards. The game does not always  close in our favor. We win some, we lose some, and every now and again we tie - landing midway toward our goal. 

But here is the struggle - we aren't losing when we have to do the things we dislike, those things are just part of life. Some of our dislikes can be removed from our lives, stepped away from, or abandoned. Others cannot. If we are in unhealthy relationships or if we dislike our jobs, we can get out. We cannot, however, stop taking out the trash - no matter how much we dislike it. 

For me, in a time of transition, my work is to find contentment in the things that no longer serve me - for now, while they are still part of my life. I cannot allow myself to spend those moments wishing or comparing. Each moment is as it is - it cannot be something else. There is no other moment but this moment.

Duty with Pure Joy

I have been working hard to maintain my contentment practice in the past few days. I have to admit, it is easier with snow days :-). 

I read a new definition of Santosha (contentment) today - performing duty with pure joy. What a challenge. I can see in my nature that I prefer to do what I enjoy over the duty that I have at hand. It is easier to want something new or something more exciting than the duties as they are laid out in front of me. The word duty suggests that we are obligated or expected to perform that action. Taking the trash out - or shoveling snow is a duty - joy in cleaning the toilet is something I have not felt. 

This is my day's mission for tomorrow - performing my duties with complete joy. I am starting easy, as I have a half day at work. We will see how it goes.

Om Gum Ganapatayei Namaha

So everything has been going very well regarding my Santosha (contentment) practice. Everything was feeling light and easy. I have felt very present and am giving myself time for myself, which I have not done for a long time. 

There was, however, one thing that I could not be content with - that I know I need to face regularly. This one thing happens to be a MAJOR part of my life. (Pardon my vagueness, I am trying to share without giving away too much). I have been telling myself for a long time that something needs to change regarding this part of my life, but I feel very stuck. So, I decided to do something about it. I decided to take on a 40 days of chanting. Like many spiritual practices, that you may see in the bible or other spiritual books, some if the deepest practices take a commitment. Chanting for a result is one of them. 

So I chose a chant to Ganesh, which I am particularly fond of (Om Gum Ganapatayei Namaha). This chant is known as the most effective at removing obstacles of all kinds. Since I feel so held back by this particular part of my life, I would like to do my best to remove any obstacles and either accept it as it is or move on.

After one day of chanting, I feel a new purpose. I have already begun taking new steps to move on, and this rather heavy piece of my life has become more acceptable to deal with. 

Om Gum Ganapatayei Namaha!

One more step toward Santosha.