Relating to Food

I love food. I love to eat. I do know, however, that I need to look to my body and at my body as though it were a temple. I, like so many other Americans, find it difficult to cherish our bodies when it comes to food: what foods we eat, the amount, and the attachment to it. I know that I am very attached to food. When I am bored or nervous, I look to food. When I want to escape the reality of a situation, or am faced with a challenge that I am afraid of, I turn to food for comfort.

I know that I need to look at food differently. I am continuing to define my relationship with food. Over the past few years, I have begun to look differently at the way I eat. I no longer eat meat and I have learned to look at food preparation as something holy or sacred. I enjoy the food that I prepare myself, much more than foods that are prepackaged or made by other hands. I can appreciate it more, and I know that I prepared the food with good intentions and love.

I do, however, realize that this struggle is all about willpower. BKS Iyengar says that we have to let "the intelligence and the soul make the true dicision, for this is where real willpower and real dedication are found." I know that the decision to gorge does not come from intelligence. In fact, I am certain that it is coming from old habits, fear, and issues that I have with my body (that I perhaps feel I need to self sabotage or create some self-fullfilling prophesy to sabotage my will).

I am writing this after lunch, still craving. Let's give this willpower a try!

I Am

You need not get at 'IT', for you are 'IT'.
'IT' will get at you, if you give It a chance.

      - Nisargadatta Maharaj

I have been fascinated recently with the story of Brahma and the So Ham mantra. In the Hindu religion, Brahma is looked to as the creator. It is Brahma who creates the world. When he opened his eyes for the first time (all five sets of them), he finds the world in complete darkness - yet to be created. Could you even imagine the simplicity? The quiet? The peacefulness?

At this moment, he has no choice but to live completely in the present. He has no past, so how could he grasp the idea of future. His life at this moment is without suffering - no past to cling to, no regrets, no disappointment. No thoughts of future - no sense of longing or concern.

He begins to ponder the question - who am I. In his wisdom, he realizes that who he is cannot be found in the outer world - so he turns inward. His thoughts materialize to words when he says "I am" (So Ham). And from there, mantra was born.

His response to the question of "who am I" is so basic, but so wise in its simplicity. He does not cling to the idea that he is a god or a creator, but instead identifies with something so base and so simple. I am.

We work hard in our lives to create. We educate ourselves, earn prizes, meet goals, and can easily identify ourselves with these goals. I am a teacher, I am a CEO, I am a student, I am wealthy, I am poor, I am thin, I am large, etc. Each of these titles or roles giving us a reason for separation. Separating ourselves from each other and separating ourselves from the simple true nature of what we are. While these goals or titles may be comforting, they may also be painful or lead us to pain. Each of these roles creates walls and barriers to being.

For me, this story of Brahma shows us the real truth of ourselves and the beauty of just being. Perhaps once we realize the simplicity of what we really are, we can relate and understand others and answer the question that we all ponder, even at old age. Who am I?  

New Years Resolution

Here comes the new year again. I, as a list maker, have already planned out my year financially (even though I understand that we make plans and god laughs) and have begun to create intentions for the upcoming year. I have decided to work on being more positive.

I have been inspired by Baba Hari Dass. He writes:

"Life is not a burden; we make it a burden... We don't accept life as it is. That's why it becomes a burden...We can only do one thing, and that is to keep our mind positive in the present."

So I pledge to:

1. Be more positive about my work life 
2. Live in the present with my relationships and be happy with what I have
3. Share this idea with others

Namaste!

It's the Holiday Season

I find that the holiday season can be the hardest time of year to let go of attachment. It is easy to compare your holiday to years past and live in a place of disappointment or resentment.

My partner and I have had a hard time as both of us are from aging families who pair off into groups of parents and children. He has a particularly difficult time as his mother was the person who made Christmas wonderful for him. Now he no longer has her and others are also missing from our holidays for one reason or another.

As a "nontraditional" family (whatever that means) we realized that we have to create our own traditions. We can no longer define our holidays by what they used to be. We decided to begin our own holiday traditions at home and take a moment to remember those who we loved while still remembering to enjoy our time together.

It is this time of year that I remember a writing from Adyashanti - he says that winter is a time for a stripping away, like leaves from a tree. Unlike trees, human beings tend to hold on to our "leaves" in the form of ideals, pain, and I would even venture to say that we cling to our past traditions in an effort to keep everything the same.

I feel a little freer knowing that I have moved on to something new - something that helps me focus on love, the present, and my life and practice today.

Namaste and love to everyone!

Patterning of Conciousness

A new interest of mine has been looking at different translations of the yoga sutras. I can then take those new or differing ideas and apply them in my own practice. One differing translation that I love is from a translation by Chip Hartranft (free copy @ http://www.arlingtoncenter.org/Sanskrit-English.pdf). Hartranft's translation of sutra 1.2 is "yoga is to still the patterning of consciousness." I particularly like this translation as it differs greatly from others that often replace the word "consciousness" with the word "thought". This could then lead the reader to believe that yoga is to still thought - which I believe is not the intent of this sutra.

In my mind, the meaning of "the patterning of conciousness" means gaining a greater understanding of the self. The mind is trained to bring the person back to their patterns -whether they be right or wrong. Yoga is intended to pull those patterns into conciousness. This includes your physical practice as well as your attitudes, actions, movement, breath, and more.

When you take yoga classes and begin to create your own practice, you get to know your patterns and tendencies. For example, I know that I have difficulty fully extending my spine in forward bends. Through yoga, I then learn to come into poses slowly, with integrity, to keep the spine lengthening fully - even if it is difficult.

What I learn on the mat is also applicable outside off the mat. For example, if I know I comfort myself with eating - I can draw this to my attention and learn to bring that pattern into consciousness. From there, I can hopefully make better decisions. 

Through yoga we bring ethical matters to our attention. Our body, breath, mind, and concentration all come into consciousness (or at least move toward consciousness). 

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Revisiting the Meaning of Ahimsa

On my way to work I had that moment I have successfully avoided for a few years (ok, weeks). ROAD RAGE! I was on the highway traveling the same speed as the rest of the lane, when a driver came up very close to my rear bumper. So, I lightly tapped on the breaks to ask the driver to back away from my car a bit. (Tailgating is not only illegal in Connecticut, but is also fairly dangerous). The driver proceded to motion with her hands. I got a bit upset, which I feel I am perfectly entitled to be. The driver was not only potentially putting themself in danger, but was also potentially endangering others.

What I am not so proud of was what happened next. The thing that happened in my own head. I started rushing through a list of what ifs. What if I was hit? What would I say to the driver if they hit me? And it got really ugly. In my mind I was threatening physical harm, for tailgating. For tailgating.

Ahimsa is an ethical principle of yoga - nonviolence in word, thought, and deed. I work really hard at keeping this promise with myself in word and deed - to the degree that I do not eat meat or swat flies. I do on occasion, however, get a little violent in my head. The brain is wired to do crazy things - and for me is the hardest to control. How does one not be violent in thought if they cannot control the brain?

I am hoping that writing this posting will be helpful to me. Creating awareness, acknowledging my thoughts without guilt - allowing myself to be in touch with my thoughts to possibly curb the fruition of them in the future.

Just Hit the Mat - 5 Methods to Spice Up Your Practice

I have been trying to fit in more asana practice, but hit a short dry spell. My cure? Hitting the mat. Once I get there, it typically comes naturally. But there are times when I need a little extra boost. So here are my 5 favorite ways to keep my asana practice fresh:

1. Change Your Pose - modify common poses. For standing poses, try modifying the placement of your limbs: place the back heel on the wall, take the front toes up the wall or take the toe mounds of the front foot up the wall, press your bent knee onto a foam block at the wall. You can also change the placement of your arms - take triangle pose with your arms reaching parallell to the floor, take your warrior poses in reverse namaste. Prop your back bends and forward bends.
   
    
2. Hold for Longer - Try holding poses for longer. Instead of doing 10 poses, do five for twice as long. Time your headstands and shoulder stands and try doing them for 30 seconds to a minute longer next time you practice.
   
   
3. Break Out the Chair - Yoga chairs are such wonderful tools. Don't have a yoga chair? No worries. Grab a regular folding chair. Experiment with poses using the chair. Support your standing poses, back bends, forward bends, twists. You will be surprised at the results.
   
   
4. Do Inversions First - Many of us save our inversions until the end of our practice. Try placing the inversions at the beginning of the sequence for a more internal practice.
   
   
5. Challenge Pose - Open up light on yoga and find a pose that looks crazy. Create a sequence that can build you up to it. Take your time. Create a new goal. You may not get to that pose today, next week, or even for years. Who cares? You created a new goal and got excited about something new.

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